Saturday Morning Travesty: The Devil & His Agents-in-Place

It's important to make clear that while I believe the argument that Antonio Scalia is the proximate cause of the impending extinction of the human race is compelling and nigh unto airtight, this does not mean that I think Antonio (I use the pet name W bestowed upon this Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court) has acted as a witting co-conspirator with Old Scratch.  Rather, I think that the "wily" (see below) Satan, who used to do obvious things like possess people and make crazy pigs run over cliffs, now works his evil through Faustian bargains with American conservative politicians and other public figures who are not smart enough to realize where Satan is going with this.

You will note in the exchange below (from the New York Magazine interview with Antonio) that Scalia comes off like a senile idiot; note the complete non sequitur in Scalia's explanation "for why there's not demonic possession all over the place."  It doesn't follow at all from the premise (this is also characteristic of Scalia's legal arguments).  Scalia notes that the Devil used to be "all over the New Testament" but he's hard to find now.  Of course, the events described in the Bible occurred during the Iron Age, and the world (with the notable exception of Antonio himself) has moved on from that.

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Well, you’re saying the Devil is ­persuading people to not believe in God. Couldn’t there be other reasons to not believe?
Well, there certainly can be other reasons. But it certainly favors the Devil’s desires. I mean, c’mon, that’s the explanation for why there’s not demonic possession all over the place. That always puzzled me. What happened to the Devil, you know? He used to be all over the place. He used to be all over the New Testament.
Right.
What happened to him?
He just got wilier.
He got wilier.
Isn’t it terribly frightening to believe in the Devil?
You’re looking at me as though I’m weird. My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the Devil? I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the Devil! It’s in the Gospels! You travel in circles that are so, so removed from mainstream America that you are appalled that anybody would believe in the Devil! Most of mankind has believed in the Devil, for all of history. Many more intelligent people than you or me have believed in the Devil.

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It was certainly a lucky break (although I doubt that Satan believes in luck - you make your own luck, in his book) that a Catholic, Opus Dei blockhead was the leading "intellectual" on the Supreme Court when the time came for the Devil to put his master plan in motion.  Come to think of it, I take it all back.  To put Scalia in place, Satan had to put Ronald Reagan in place, because Antonio's been on the high bench since 1986.  Lucifer plays a long game - chess, while American politics plays checkers.

Brilliant.  I've lost my train of thought.  The Devil can do that to you.

America's the perfect theater of operations for Luciferian machinations.  You can get leverage here, because whatever evil takes hold in America (Wal-Mart, Starbucks, American Motors Pacer) tends to go international.  Our junk culture metastasizes rapidly through the world.

But what's the Devil's end game, so to speak?  Well, in the first place, he just likes doing evil shit.  It's not a lot more complicated than that.  However, like all sentient fallen angels, the Devil is interested, first and foremost, in self-preservation, and you can understand, with the talk of the Rapture reaching a fever pitch in recent decades, that Satan might be a little concerned that the hour of his comeuppance, when he gets his unholy ass kicked during Armageddon, is at hand.  The Left Behind books probably got a little ahead of things, but the Devil can read, and he knows what's in Matthew 24: 32-34:

"[32] Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh: [33] So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. [34] Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled."

Obviously, Jesus is talking here about 1988.  The "fig tree" is Israel, and it was dormant before...1948, when it came back to life.  A generation back in Biblical times was about 40 years.  I trust I don't have to spell this out any further.  We're obviously in Overtime now, and Old Scratch is not going to take any chances about going into Double Overtime starting in 2028.

While the Holy Trinity are all in on the Revelation-style Apocalypse, the Devil is working two angles, nuclear war and global warming.  His thinking is that he can throw a monkey wrench into the End Times if everyone is already dead when Jesus shows up for the Millenium.  It's not supposed to happen that way.  No doubt this is one of the chief sources of anti-science bias among the Evangelicals.  Man can't finish himself off; that's God's job.

Satan, of course, has absolutely no doubt about the reality of global warming.  His clever, counter-intuitive trick (because he's so "wily") is to work through anti-science morons in the United States, and fortunately for him, these are in plentiful supply, particularly among Republicans in Washington, D.C.  I think the Devil has to pinch himself to make sure he's not dreaming when he reflects that Senator James Inhofe (Imbecile, OK), heads up the chief Science Committee, that Marco Rubio of Florida ("I'm not a scientist, man," Rubio said when asked his views on climate change) is a rising star, that the entire party, top to bottom, is an unbroken line of lunkheads.  What a target-rich environment for the Prince of Darkness.  You could say it's almost too easy, but then look Who the Devil's up against.

God invented global warming.  He set the angles on the molecular bonds of the greenhouse gases that capture infra-red radiation (which He also invented).  There are no Denialists in Heaven or Hell.  Only God's most prized creation, Man, can pull that one off, and that's because of the gift of Free Will, which includes the freedom to be a moron.

The auguries are not totally bad for the Devil, but he's running out of time.  Giant methane bubbles are at last blooping up from the submerged tundra in the Arctic Sea, the polar ice caps are on their way out, and the majority party in Washington is doing everything it can to help that process, and the Devil, along.  But will it happen in time, that is, pre-Trumpet?

Satan's hole card is The Bomb, and here the inexplicable belligerence of the U.S.A. toward nuclear-bristling Russia could still save the Devil's bacon.  Satan's wily approach is to advance on all fronts at once, aided and abetted by his many dumb-as-a-box-of-hammers allies.  Stay alert.  These End Times, no matter Who wins, are really going to be something.